Marble, mahogany, and me

I was SO looking forward to exploring Glasgow’s City Hall.

And it is, indeed, fantabulous. Also, it’s not technically called “City Hall”—they’re the City Chambers. Because Scottish.

I even had to go twice. They have just two tours each weekday—the only way you really get to go anywhere beyond the lobby—for 25 people each. The tours are free, and they hand out the lanyards and passes a half hour before each one. I interpreted that as, “We don’t hand out passes until a half hour before, so show up any time after that to get yours,” figuring, how popular can tours of City Hall be anyway?

Very popular, it turns out. They pretty much laughed in my face when I showed up at 2:10 on a Wednesday. But I showed them. I got up early the next morning and showed up a half hour before a half hour before the tour. They rewarded me by giving me the first lanyard and pass of the day. I win again!

Where was I? Oh, right…

The Glasgow City Chambers are an architectural splendor, reflecting a time when Glasgow was awash in money. I mean, the building is pretty cool from the outside. But, you know, it's a government building. You expect them to be a bit grand on the outside but filled with folding chairs, beige conference rooms, and cramped offices.

Not this one. Step inside and you'll think you've stepped into a Harry Potter movie.[6] Unveiled in 1888 by Queen Victoria, the Chambers are a Beaux-arts marvel—just a mess of ornate Baroque and Italianate decorations and precious materials collected (stolen?) from around the world, built as a symbol of Glasgow’s coveted spot as the Second City of the Empire.

The first thing you see when you step inside is a gorgeous “Keramic Mosaic”[7] of the Glaswegian coat of arms. Well, the latest Glaswegian coat of arms, from the last time they "updated" it in the 50s. The arms refer to the story of St Kentigern (though everyone who knows him just calls him St Mungo) and his saint-making miracles. But that’s a whole deal that we just can’t get into right now. (Oh alright...I guess we can get into it...but over here.)

City Chambers entrance detail

On either side of the lobby are two magnificent staircases—one light and one dark. The light one is Europe’s largest marble staircase. With three ornate flights built entirely of Carrara marble from Italy, the Chambers have “more marble than the Vatican.” So there. These are the stairs dignitaries—and movie directors—use. The other stairs are equally impressive but made of “freestone” or granite. I think. I’m not a geologist. Both stairs have alabaster balustrades and wall panels. And there’s one really cool lion carved from a single, massive piece of white marble, and it’s lucky if you touch his nose as you go by.

The Marble Staircase

The Working Staircase

The lucky lion

Upstairs is the Council Chamber, where the Glasgow City Council convenes. The entire room is paneled in Spanish mahogany[8] and has double-glazed Venetian glass windows overlooking George Square outside. In this room, 85 red leather chairs[9] arranged in concentric semicircles face the Lord Provost,[10] Deputy Lord Provost, Chief Executive, and Head of Finance.

Just outside the Council Chamber is paneled in now-considered-rare-and-likely-endangered-but-quite-possibly-extinct Australian satinwood, a classification likely due to how much they used in this room alone. Following that is a much smaller room, the Octagonal Suite, paneled with "amber wood" from South America.[11]

City Chambers, erm, chambers

But we’re not done yet! There’s more! But not a lot. The third floor offers a closer look at a pretty cool dome and an impressive ceiling—along with more stairs and floors made of white Carrera marble and Venetian mosaic tiles showcasing a variety of Scotland-specific designs blah blah blah. Honestly, by this point, even I was tiring of sheer opulence. And I do like me some the opulence.

The third floor and glass dome

All in all, the City Chambers are amazing, extraordinary, and impressive—not just a relic of a grand past but a living, breathing entity, still serving its original purpose. It’s a hidden treasure, often overlooked even by the locals, just waiting to be explored and appreciated.

In a word, fantabulous.

1. Hilariously, this is taken from Real Life. Later, when we were eating dinner in Edinburgh, the young couple at the table next to ours engaged us in conversation.[2] "This your first time in Edinburgh?" "It sure is, and we love it!" "Are you visiting anywhere else in Scotland?" "Well, we just left Glasgow. We were there for a month.” “A month?!? Did you run out of things to do?” I’m sure it’s a friendly rivalry between cities, kind of like Portland and Seattle.

2. Well, “engaged in conversation” in the sense that I’d just come to after fainting over my dinner.[3] So I think maybe they were less trying to chat us up because we looked interesting and more trying to properly assess my current state of health.

3. BTW, bronchitis is No Joke. After 10 weeks of coughing fits and asthma, I’d thought I was over it. No sir, said Bronchitis, I’m just getting started with you. Every little thing sent me over the edge—a cold wind, climbing too many steps to the top of some random monument, or laughing at someone getting kicked in the nards (a little bit of karma on that one, I think). And it turns out that you can, in fact, cough hard enough to pass out. But I came to pretty quickly, only to be surrounded by WAY TOO MANY people asking every little thing. But hey, we got a free dinner out of it![4]

4. Some of you may start freaking out now, having heard this parenthetical mini-story about my passing out over dinner.[5] But, think about it, I’m writing about it here—which clearly means I survived.

5. Hi, Mom!

6. Yes, there are WAY too many references to Harry Potter in Glasgow. And Edinburgh, for that matter. I guess they’re pretty proud of ol’ JK. But in this case, the comparison seems apt to me.

7. I, of course, assumed this meant some sort of mosaic related to Kermit the Frog—maybe all green or actually of Kermit? But, no, it turns out it’s just a misspelling of “ceramic.” Because 19th century literacy rates.

8. The mahogany isn’t really Spanish. It’s Cuban. But it was shipped back to Glasgow on a Spanish ship. Which they apparently thought was close enough.

9. 85. 85! Good lord, this city is roughly the size of Portland. Portland has roughly 652,000 people, and Glasgow has about 626,000. Oh, well, they're probably counting the entire metro area, I hear you saying. Nope. The Portland metro is about 2.1 million people, and the Glasgow metro area is about 1.8 million. Why do they need so many city council members? It’s almost a complete U.S. Senate in there just for one city.

10. By law, the primary city official must be called “Lord Provost,” even if that elected official is a woman. Typically, when the Lord Provost is a man, his wife is called “Lady Lord Provost.” But, if the Lord Provost is a woman, her husband is called…Kevin? I mean, I guess, if his name is Kevin. Also, the Lord Provost wears a rapper-worthy gold chain as a symbol of office. As a courtesy, the Lady Lord Provost gets a similar-but-much-daintier gold chain. But if you’re the husband of a female Lord Provost, you get…an invitation to lunch? I don’t know, but it all seems a bit unequal in its dedication to equality.

11. Spoiler alert! Also endangered!