Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, but there’s no denying it has its own cheesy charms, with its ugly sweaters, endless replays of Rankin-Bass specials, and questionable fruitcakes. But for my money, nothing quite screams, “Hah! You think you know everything there is to know about Christmas kitsch?” like Neapolitan nativity scenes. Oh my lord. I didn’t even know these existed, but now that I do, I’m a convert.
We ran across one by pure dumb luck when we went to what I thought was going to be a modern art museum in Palma de Mallorca but in fact turned out to be another dead rich guy’s house with a sculpture garden outside, an odd collection of Dalí prints loosely built on the story of Moses, and…well…this.
Meet the Neapolitan Nativity of the Bartolomé March Servera Foundation. Think of it as an 18th-century version of reality television, except the Kardashians are replaced by shepherds, wine sellers, and I suspect, precursors to modern hipsters. Here, baby Jesus isn't merely laid in a manger—he’s thrown into a frenzied tableau that's one part sacred, two parts theatrical melodrama. And he’s not even in the middle of it all. There are whole stories you want to know more about on the other side of the hills. Yes, there are hills in this nativity scene. And one looming volcano that looks like it’s going to blow any minute now. Because why wouldn’t there be.
Neapolitan nativity scenes throw Jesus’ birth into the most grandiose, bustling background, surrounded by every possible character from Naples in the 1700s. From fishmongers haggling over prices, children up to no good, and not one but at least two pooping cows. Pooping! Now that’s verisimilitude. It's chaotic and insanely detailed—crazy, but in a brilliant way.
Pause for historical background: Neapolitan nativities were ‘in’ for Spanish viceroys of Naples,* essentially the pet rocks or Tamagotchis of their time except, you know, way more complicated, way more expensive, and just generally way more. Imagine being so extra that you won’t be satisfied with just a nativity scene but need an ENTIRE Italian market scene around it. And a WHOLE town around that. Oh, and let’s not forget the pop culture twist—they would include modern characters right next to historical ones.** Today’s nativities in Naples probably include Beyoncé and the cast of “Stranger Things” dropping by the manger.
And can we talk about Bartolomé March Servera for a hot second? He sounds like the ultimate rich nerd of his time. The guy not only collected these wild nativities but also hoarded maps, statues, and books. That's basically like someone today collecting Funko Pops, rare comic books, and every single piece of Star Trek memorabilia. So essentially me if I had tons of money.
But back to the nutso nativity. This one has close to something like 2,000 figures from the 18th century. And while you'll find the usual suspects—Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus, the Magi—there's also a whole world of angels, shepherds, kings, butchers, drunks, cattle, and probably the Mafia to explore. Every angle you take is like diving headfirst into a Where's Waldo page where Waldo has traded in his striped shirt and trades spices or sips espresso.
This is the Avengers of nativity scenes.*** It’s a grand, intense, intoxicating cocktail that blends the sacred and the delightfully mundane. And now we have even more reason to get to Naples, but at Christmastime.
And by now you can probably guess what’ll be on this year’s Christmas cards.
* Spain ruled the Kingdom of Naples as a viceroyalty for more than 200 years! I assume it was a vaguely unpleasant pairing—like paella on a pizza.
** If you think of the Magi and a host of Seraphim to be historical, that is.
*** And, yes, I’ve mapped the major players into The Nativity Avengers. Jesus is clearly Captain America, though instead of a vibranium shield he’s got a heavenium halo. Mary is the Scarlet Witch—kind and nurturing, but do NOT mess with her kid! Joseph is Tony Stark, “I am Carpenter Man!” The Magi are Thor, Black Panther, and Doctor Strange, all hailing from faraway places. I mean, gold, frankincense, and myrrh might not be Infinity Stones, but it was a simpler time. Herod is Loki, no explanation needed.
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