This morning I decided it was time. Time to treat Rick and take him to visit the Pick Salami and Szeged Paprika Museum. It is, in my opinion, the absolute pinnacle of surreal tourism. It’s absurdly as specific and Hungarian as it sounds.
To my utter dismay, when I pulled it up on Google Maps it was marked “Permanently Closed.”*
Oh noooooo!!!
So Rick missed out. But you don’t have to. Because I went nine years ago** and I have pictures.
Imagine walking into a hallowed hall of...well, meat tubes. You heard me. There’s a perceptible hush as you pass the ticket taker. It's like entering the Sistine Chapel if Michelangelo had an unhealthy obsession with cured meats.
The museum proudly displayed the work of salami-making using eerily faceless mannequins posed mid-salami-slice, like they were auditioning for a role a bizarre, avant-garde performance art piece, likely produced by John Waters. They were locked in an eternally silent ballet of meat grinding and salami stuffing.
And no worries if visitors weren’t familiar with the process, there were plenty of signs. Very thorough signs. In different languages. Endless boards covered with minuscule text singing praises of their prized paprika and Pick salami. It was like trying to read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy printed on a postage stamp.
What topped it all off, though, was the palpable overconfident pride that practically seeped out of the walls. You could almost taste it.***
This place didn't just express cultural identity—it grabbed you by the collar and screamed it right in your face. “Yeah, we know we dedicated an entire museum to salami and paprika. What of it? It's Pick, baby!”
Too bad you’ll never get to see it in real life. It was the absolute…wait for it…wurst.
*Thanks, COVID!
**Almost to the day. My photos are from June 24, 2014. If I’d paid more attention, this would be more of an “anniversary of” kind of post.
***It was a little salty.
Pick Salami and Szeged Paprika Museum, Felső Tisza-Part 10, Szeged. Tours NEVER AGAIN
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